Moore than a Feeling Read online

  “I can’t believe my father threw me out.” She began pacing the perimeter of the small living room. “I didn’t give him shit when he left my mother for Mia. I just wanted him to be happy. Why doesn’t he want the same for me?” She stopped and looked at Tom.

  “Holly, I’m sure he wants you to be happy. Tonight was just a shock to everyone, and we all need to process this new reality and move forward.” Tom sat on the well-loved leather couch and patted the cushion next to him for Holly to come and join him.

  She didn’t move from across the room. “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means we all have a lot to process.” Tom’s tone was even, calming.

  With her hands on her hips, she looked him straight in the eye. “I know what I have to process. What do you have to process?”

  “That you unknowingly had ties to my past. That we are in an uncomfortable situation right now, but hopefully with time, cooler heads will prevail, and it will not be so uncomfortable for everyone. I don’t want to come between you and your family, Holly.”

  “Is that the line you’re going to use to let me down?”

  Closing his eyes and shaking his head, Tom once again patted the couch next to him. “No. Not at all.” Reaching out a hand to her, “Come. Come sit down next to me.”

  Finally, she moved across the room, lowering herself to the couch, a cushion away from her lover.

  “I don’t want to come between you and your family,” he reiterated. “So, I am clearly going to have to walk a tightrope here. Your father is never going to like me. Being around Mia as your lover is going to be very uncomfortable, but we’re going to have to figure out a way, even though it is going to be odd, but I’m sure we can make it work. If you separate from your family over this, you will resent the hell out of me. And I don’t want to see that happening. We are early on in our relationship and every moment I’ve spent with you has been incredible. I’m not ready to give that up, Holly. You have been that breath of fresh air my life has needed for the longest time.” Reaching across the empty couch cushion, Tom took her hand, threading his fingers with hers. “How did your father meet Mia?” he asked, almost as an afterthought.

  “They went to college together and dated freshman year.”

  “In California?” Tom processed the information Holly shared.

  She nodded. “When did you meet her?”

  “The following year. I was her writing instructor.” Tom knew it was best to get it all out now and let the chips fall where they may. “We started formally seeing one another after I was no longer her professor.”

  “Formally,” she snickered. “I’m sorry, Tom, but I can’t even think about this. I just can’t think about the two of you together.”

  “Holly, it was a lifetime ago.” He brought her hand to his lips.

  “Yeah, I know, and I wasn’t even born yet.”

  A feeling of loss spun through Holly’s heart, leaving a trail of fragments at which she was not yet ready to glance. The one thing that had made her feel any happiness at all since Aiden told her it was over, was this growing relationship with Tom Sheehan. The man was smart and handsome, engaging and challenging, being with him had made her feel special. And she needed to feel special after Aiden’s crushing dismissal of their relationship. And Tom accomplished that task with a finesse that fit like a custom-tailored suit.

  And now she wondered if she truly was special to him or merely that summer’s amusement. Had the one ray of light rescuing her from complete darkness been an illusion after all?

  Hours after they had gone to sleep, Holly tried not to wake Tom with her tossing and turning, as she realized she had nowhere to go. And in his arms was the last place she wanted to be that night.

  Four Months Earlier

  “DON’T CRY, HOLLY.” Nathaniel Moore’s bottom lip quivered as he tried as best he could to comfort his older sister, tenderly petting her long silky hair as he curled up into her on her bed. “Please, don’t cry.” Fat tears burst forth from his eyes as he failed to calm her.

  “Mommy, Mommy,” Portia Moore ran out onto the deck in search of her mother, who was standing at the deck’s railing, looking out over the ocean and wrapping up a business call.

  Mia put her finger to her lips, indicating for her young daughter to keep her voice down while she spoke to her client.

  “But, Mommy,” the little girl insisted.

  Mia held up a finger indicating one more minute.

  Standing very straight, Portia silently waited until Mia finished her call.

  “What’s going on, Po?” Mia was finally able to turn her full attention to her daughter.

  “Mommy, something is wrong with Holly. She’s in bed and she’s crying, and she won’t tell me and Natie why.”

  Looking at her watch, “It’s already 2:30, why isn’t she at work?” Following Portia up the stairs, Mia softly knocked on the door of her stepdaughter’s bedroom before entering.

  As Portia had warned her, something was very, very wrong. On her side, in a fetal position, Holly wept deeply, oblivious to her little brother’s attempt at calming her.

  Mia sat down on the edge of the bed near where Nathaniel and Portia were curled up behind their older sister. Gently rubbing her shoulder, Mia didn’t speak, knowing Holly would share when she was able. In the meantime, there was a calming committee surrounding her with love, and Mia knew that would help.

  Curled up like a little blonde angel next to her, Nathaniel surprised them all with a snore that would have made his father proud and they all laughed, including Holly. He opened his eyes long enough to give them all a smile and curled back up against his big sister for a nap.

  Mia looked at her stepdaughter questioningly. “Do you want to talk?”

  “Aiden dumped me,” her voice cracked on the last word.

  “What?” Mia’s shock was apparent.

  Holly nodded. “Yup. He told me I’m not the one, so for either of us to waste anymore of each other’s time was not worthwhile.”

  “He said that?” It wasn’t that Mia was questioning her, it was that she was more in disbelief than anything. Aiden appeared smitten and dedicated to Holly and their relationship and this sudden one-eighty was truly out of left field.

  “I’m so sorry.” Mia continued to rub her shoulder softly. “And I’m as shocked as you are.”

  “Mia, how could I have not seen this? How could I have misread the situation so badly? I don’t understand.”

  “Oh Holly, I don’t know what to say, except I’m so sorry. We all misread this one. My impression was that this man worshipped the ground you walked on and was never, ever going to let you go.”

  “Mine, too. I have never felt about a man the way I feel about him, and I think part of it is because he is a man and my other relationships have been with boys,” Holly paused. “I know our backgrounds are so different. He grew up in a blue-collar neighborhood, went to school on an ROTC scholarship, served overseas. And he has worked hard and has turned the restaurant into a hot spot.” She spoke of Maguire’s, the restaurant where they had both worked. “And Mia, I didn’t think the differences in our backgrounds were an issue for him. It wasn’t for me. I just loved him for who he is.” A fresh burst of tears slid down her cheeks.

  Giving Holly’s shoulder a squeeze, Mia stood up and left the room, returning just a few minutes later with a box of tissues and a bottle of cold water.

  “This just doesn’t make sense. That guy loves you like crazy. I don’t think he’s that good of an actor for that to have been an act. One that we all bought. Here’s what I think,” Mia offered as she handed Holly the tissues and water, and sat back down on the edge of the bed. “He’s breaking up with you now before he gets sent up to active duty. Being called up has got to be scary with everything going on in the world. Afghanistan is still a mess. Syria is escalating. Everyone is holding their breath with North Korea. I don’t know if the last time he was on active duty, he was involved with anyone as deeply as h
e’s been with you.”

  “Mia,” Holly began, sitting up in the bed, “that was my first gut reaction, too. And I called him out on it. He denied it and said that he didn’t want me waiting for him because he knew he’d just be stringing me along and that being deployed came at the perfect time because he’d been looking for the right time to break up.”

  “He’s full of shit.” Mia shook her head. “I’m sorry but I don’t believe him for a freaking second. He’s older now and I think can see consequences more clearly. If something were to happen to him, either physically or emotionally, he doesn’t want you tied to that. He’d feel guilty forever. I think in his head he’d rather feel guilty about breaking your heart now than the guilt he’d feel if you felt committed to stay in a less-than-perfect situation when he got home.”

  Inspecting a pink fingernail without looking up, Holly sniffed. “I want to believe that, but he said some pretty shitty things to me. I think he wants to get back with his old girlfriend, Janine, and that things have already started up between them again.”

  Mia shook her head. “Nah, I don’t think so. Number one, the two of you are always together. Always. You two have been inseparable. You pointed her out when she was on the island last Labor Day. Trust me, he’s not leaving you for her. She’s kind of got that Nassau County skank thing going on.”

  With eyes widening in amusement, Holly looked at her stepmother. “I love you, Mia. I really do.”

  Mia laughed. “You know me, I call ʼem like I see ʼem. He would be around that woman for ten minutes and thinking, Holly would have done that this way. Holly would never have said that. I wonder what Holly would think of that? Janine could not live for one second in your shadow, sweetie.”

  “He wants me out of his life. He made that clear.”

  “When does he leave?”

  “In about a month.”

  “Well, at least you won’t have to look at him all summer and maybe Maguire’s will hire a very hot new manager in Aiden’s place.”

  “I can’t stay.” Holly shook her head. “Every place here will remind me of him. It will be heartbreaking. Mia, I thought I was going to marry him. I have never felt for anyone what I feel for him. He’s my first thought in the morning and my last when I fall asleep. My heart wants to burst every time he smiles at me. And when he calls me Angel, which is a corny thing, but it’s like there’s no one in the world but me.” Grabbing a tissue, she blew her nose. “Shit, Mia, I am never going to be in his arms again.”

  And with her stepdaughter’s new round of tears, Mia opened her arms for Holly and held her tight until calm came again.

  “Take a look at your cheer-up committee.” Mia laughed. “Some good they are.”

  Nathaniel was curled up in a ball, fast asleep and Portia was stretched out on her back, snoring lightly.

  Holly finally smiled and nodded her head as she looked at her young siblings. “Thank God for this family.”

  “I’ve thought about it and I really don’t want to be here,” Holly announced two days later. “I’m sure I can get a job in the city for the summer.” The dark circles under Holly’s eyes emphasized her lack of sleep.

  “Worst case scenario, if all the college students have already gobbled up all the decent jobs, you can work at MS&A or at L9/NYC. The agency can always use a hand. It might be more on the clerical side than you’d like, but I’m sure we can use your very capable skills somewhere.” Mia liked her solution, knowing that one of the family businesses in Manhattan would keep Holly occupied for the summer.

  “Or I can waitress. If nothing else, I did get great experience here at Maguire’s.”

  “How long will he be out here on Fire Island before he has to report for duty?” Mia was fearful of even asking the question, knowing bringing up Aiden brought Holly to a raw place.

  “Another three-and-a-half weeks. Mia, I can’t stay here for another three weeks on the island with him.”

  Fire Island is a sandbar. One long, glorious sandbar located off the southern coast of Long Island and acts as a barrier island, catching the brunt of the ocean storms. But what was currently playing out in the Moore house was a storm Mia hoped her stepdaughter could successfully weather. Aiden McManus was the love of Holly Moore’s life. A tough, street-smart Irish kid from the south shore of Long Island and a poised, cerebral blonde beauty from a home located right on Newport Bay in Newport Beach, California. Holly and Aiden were a classic case of opposites attracting, each one entranced by the other.

  Well, at least until two days before.

  Three days before that, they laid entangled on the great room couch in Schooner and Mia’s oceanfront beach house, binge watching Game of Thrones. Each one getting up hourly to get something for the other. Slices of mango, a tall, sweaty glass of iced tea, grapes. Every so often they’d get a visit from the little ones, Po and Natie, who would snuggle in for a few minutes before getting bored.

  What had happened for Aiden to tell Holly he no longer wanted her in his life? Mia needed to know and slipped on some espadrilles to walk into town and give Mr. McManus a visit. And maybe a piece of her mind.

  He was behind the bar, back to her, when she slipped onto her choice of empty worn, wooden barstools, their eyes meeting in the intricate antique mirror he faced.

  “Mia,” he said to her reflection.

  “Aiden,” she said to the back of his head.

  “What took you so long?” he asked his ex-girlfriend’s stepmother.

  Watching him pour bourbon, vermouth, and bitters into an ice-filled shaker, Mia remained silent as Aiden slid the Manhattan toward her. Without batting an eye, she picked up the martini glass and sipped from it, wondering if the Manhattan was symbolic in some way of her and her family, letting her know that they were the uppity city people.

  Ignoring his question, Mia put the martini glass down on the bar and looked up, locking into Aiden’s dark hazel eyes. “You know I don’t believe for a single second that you don’t love her.”

  “It is what it is.” He shrugged.

  Taking another sip of her drink, Mia shifted on her barstool, her legs a little too short to find the right position. “I walked away from Schooner once. In my mind, I was doing the right thing. But I never got over him. He was like a ghost that followed me around and appeared in my darkest moments, making them even bleaker, because he wasn’t there, and I knew nothing of his life.” Sighing, she shook her head.

  “Is this your way of telling me I’m going to regret this?” Aiden leaned on the bar casually.

  He’s certainly got game, Mia thought. “You already do.”

  “Mia, with all due respect, you don’t know what you are talking about.”

  “I wish I didn’t, Aiden. But unfortunately, I do. You are not going to stop loving her any more than she is going to stop loving you. And we both know that. Just don’t wait too long, okay. You think you want her to move on. But you don’t. You don’t want to get home from whatever hellhole our government is going to send you to and come back here to see her with another man. Honestly, I can’t see you standing down as you watch some guy slinging his arm over her shoulder to let everyone here know that she’s now his.”

  A muscle right above his jawline twitched. Mia had her verification. Without another word, she slipped from the barstool and exited the restaurant wishing she could give him some of her life experience and have him learn from her mistakes.

  Mistake #1 – Do not walk away from the one you love. Be honest. Communicate. And try to work it out.

  But Aiden McManus was stubborn as all hell, and Mia knew the heartache for everyone would escalate before things got better.

  If things ever got better.

  Mid-Summer thru Fall

  LOIS WAS OUT OF cardiac ICU in two days and on the main floor for heart patients. It was a surprise to no one that her patience had already waned, and she was done with her hospital stay and ready to go home, whether the doctors were in agreement with her or not.

  “Br
idge is at our house next Saturday,” she informed her husband.

  Mia looked at her mother as if she were insane. Bridge, amongst their group, included a light dinner, something like bagels and lox, sandwiches, and salads or something of the like, followed later in the evening by dessert and decaf.

  “Mom, you might find that you don’t have your full energy back and get tired quicker than before.” Turning to her father to be the voice of reason, she asked, “Dad, can you skip a month?”

  “They fixed me, Mia. I’m not dead.”

  Leaning against a wall, half listening, half focused on scrolling through his phone, Schooner’s cell rang, and he excused himself slipping out into the hallway.

  “What is going on with him?” Lois asked her daughter. Even she could tell Schooner wasn’t himself. “Did you two have a fight? What did you say to him?” Lois assumed her not-so-easy daughter had pissed off her wonderful son-in-law.

  Mia shook her head. “This one has nothing to do with me, Mom. This falls under the category of shit you can’t make up.” She paused and closed her eyes for a moment. “We made quite the discovery the other night when we got back to the loft.”

  “What? What did you discover?”

  Staring at her mother, Mia remained silent for a moment. “Okay, let me preface this by saying, brace yourself. You’ve just come through surgery and I’m almost afraid of what verbalizing this will do to you.”

  Mia’s father was now at rapt attention, too.

  “We were on the couch watching TV. Both of us were half asleep. Schooner had tried to get hold of Holly earlier in the evening to let her know that we were coming back to the city and would be at the loft, but he wasn’t able to reach her. All of a sudden, the elevator opened and Holly and some guy tumbled out of the elevator locked in a passionate embrace, kissing. They were totally oblivious to us.”